You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
