His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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