Nicole vs. Life
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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