I wish you could order shots online.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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