You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Welp...herpes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize