after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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