1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
