no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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