I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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