So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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