I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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