Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
