I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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