never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just sucked dick on a ferry
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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