You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
