We won't sleep together?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
