so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
