dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't turn off my feet"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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