I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
