Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
