First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
