That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
