While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
