Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
