i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
