lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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