You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
