Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
