If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
