We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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