it was like eating out sand paper
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
