How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
