So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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