So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
