I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
