lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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