like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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