Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
