please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
