i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do nipples grow back?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
