i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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