youre lurking in front of me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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