Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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