she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
