I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
