Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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