Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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