He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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