my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
