now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
