SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
