yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
