Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
