She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
