The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
