All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is my gift to your gina
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
