I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
