I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
