I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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