She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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