I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
