I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
