drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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