You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
