I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
