those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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