I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come on in and take your pants off
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
