Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
