is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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