I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She even gives head with a lisp.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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