Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
