If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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