the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
