the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
