I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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