mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
