In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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