They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
