too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
