Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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