someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
