Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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