I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
