Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
