I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
